Self-Esteem Therapy for High-Achieving Women
Self-esteem therapy for women who look confident but never feel enough. Rebuild core self-worth and quiet the inner critic so you can make decisions from a place of calm, not self-doubt.
Specialized online therapy for ambitious professionals in MA, NY, CO, VT, and FL.
Self-Esteem Specialization
I’M ALEXIS VERBIN, LCSW, LICSW.
For 15+ years, I’ve helped high-achieving professionals in Boston, NYC, Denver, and beyond move from "conditional confidence" to stable, grounded self-worth.
✔ You don't need to achieve more to feel worthy. You deserve to untangle your worth from your achievements.
In Our Work, You’ll Develop:
✔ UNCONDITIONAL SELF-WORTH that isn't performance-based.
✔ SELF-COMPASSION that allows for mistakes rather than shame.
✔ INTERNAL VALIDATION so you trust your judgement over external approval.
✔ BOUNDARIES rooted in knowing your value isn’t negotiable.
Support Built for Busy Professionals
✔ Evidence Based Approaches
CBT, ACT, IFS, and mindfulness techniques
✔ Secure Telehealth
HIPAA-compliant online therapy
✔ Flexible Scheduling
Including evenings availability for busy professionals
✔ Practice Locations
Licensed to provide therapy across Massachusetts, New York, Colorado, Vermont, and Florida.
Understanding Self-Esteem in High-Achieving Women
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Self-esteem is how you fundamentally see your own worth. It has nothing to do with your accomplishments, other people's opinions, or checking off boxes. It's what determines whether you think "I made a mistake" or "I am a mistake." How you see yourself shapes everything: the relationships you pursue, the career moves you make, even the risks you're willing to take.
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Healthy self-esteem means accepting both your strengths and imperfections. It's shaped by early experiences, relationships, your internal beliefs, and how you've handled challenges over time. When it's strong, it supports emotional wellbeing and healthier relationships.
Research by Orth, Robins, and Widaman found that higher self-esteem is consistently linked to more satisfying relationships and greater long-term happiness. [1]
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Low self-esteem often shows up as relentless self-doubt, constant comparison, or that persistent feeling of never being "enough." It can stem from childhood experiences, trauma, cultural pressures, ongoing stress, or learned patterns over time. While it isn’t a formal diagnosis, low self-esteem can deeply affect your mental health and identity.
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Self-esteem isn't fixed. It's something you can unlearn and rebuild at any point in life. With the right therapeutic support, you can shift these patterns and build a healthier, more grounded relationship with yourself.
When Your Self-Worth Depends on Productivity, People-Pleasing, or Praise
On paper you are successful, yet it often comes at a cost. You push harder, achieve more, and hold yourself to impossible standards, yet the feeling of “enough” never lasts.
This is the trap of low self-esteem in high-achieving women. Your worth starts to feel conditional, tied to accomplishments, external validation, or being the one others can always rely on. Psychotherapy for self-esteem helps you untangle that pattern so your value is no longer determined by productivity or approval.
Signs your self-esteem is tied to your performance:
External Validation Loop: Your mood and motivation are strongly influenced by external validation or criticism.
Moving Goalpost: You never get to enjoy achievements because you feel the need to focus on the next goal.
Harsh Inner Narrative: Your self-talk is a critical inner voice you’d never use with a friend.
Poor Boundaries: You struggle to set boundaries because you need everyone to like you.
Comparison Fog: You constantly compare yourself to others, often scrolling on social media and feeling behind despite your success.
Guilt-Ridden Rest: Downtown feels like a "waste of time" or something you haven’t earned.
Therapy for self-esteem works on a different level than other treatments
While anxiety counseling helps you manage the "what-ifs" and perfectionism therapy addresses the drive for high standards, self-esteem therapy focuses on the core of who you are. It strengthens your fundamental relationship with yourself, building an internal sense of worth that stays steady regardless of your performance, your productivity, or what anyone else thinks of you.
How Low Self-Esteem Shows Up Daily
Low self-esteem often operates quietly beneath the surface. These patterns are common in high-achieving women who appear confident externally but question their worth internally. Common experiences include:
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You often feel “not good enough” and notice an inner critic that’s hard to quiet. Even after genuine accomplishments, your focus shifts to what could have been better instead of what went well.
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You catch yourself measuring your progress against colleagues, friends, even strangers on Instagram. You scroll to relax after a long day, but leave feeling worse about yourself.
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When receiving compliments or praise, you may feel very uncomfortable.
You might downplay success, deflect acknowledgment, or assume others are just being polite.
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You hold yourself back from taking risks or trying new things, worried that falling short would confirm your worst fears about yourself. If anxiety comes with that fear of failure, anxiety therapy can help you address both.
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You say “yes” when you want to say “no,” worry about disappointing others, and give too much of yourself to keep everyone happy. It feels easier to overextend than risk being disliked.
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Deep down, you may believe you don’t deserve success, rest, or love unless you’ve earned it. This belief can lead to exhaustion or self-sabotage when things are going well.
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You might stay in unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. Over time, this reinforces the idea that you’re “too much” or “not enough” to be truly accepted as you are.
What Strengthens Healthy Self-Esteem
Healthy self-esteem develops over time through experiences, relationships, and how you treat yourself internally. Factors that support stable self-worth include:
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Having people who see and accept you as you are, not just for what you achieve, reinforces that your value doesn't depend on performance.
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Being praised for effort, given room to fail without judgment, and supported through setbacks builds resilience. Many high achievers missed this validation early on, which therapy can help repair.
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Recognizing both strengths and growth areas without harsh judgment supports confidence. Mindfulness and CBT techniques help you catch old narratives and replace them with more compassionate ones.
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Learning new skills and following through on goals builds genuine self-trust, not achievement for achievement's sake, but work aligned with what truly matters to you.
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Knowing your limits and communicating them is self-esteem in action. It shows you believe your needs deserve space.
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Noticing and caring for your emotions without shame fosters stability. When you meet yourself with curiosity instead of criticism, confidence follows naturally.
Therapy Techniques that Help Rebuild Genuine Self-Worth
Everyone’s path to better self-esteem is different. Together, we’ll use evidence-based practices to help you move past self-criticism, find your own sense of worth, and build lasting confidence.
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CBT is an approach that helps you notice and change the beliefs that hurt your self-worth, such as thinking "I'm only valuable when I'm productive" or "I'm fundamentally flawed." We’ll work to let go of these strict rules and replace harsh self-talk with kinder, more realistic views.
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ACT for self-esteem teaches you to see self-critical thoughts as separate from who you are. Instead of focusing on fixing yourself, you will learn to view unhelpful thoughts like “I’m not good enough” as just stories your brain tells you, not facts. We will also help you focus on living by your values, so your self-respect comes from within, not from others’ opinions.
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When using IFS to address self-esteem, it helps you become aware of the part of yourself that serves as the “inner critic.” Rather than push it away, the goal is to understand why it tries to protect you with criticism. We'll focus on healing the parts of you still carrying old shame.. At the same time, we will help you connect with your calm, confident self, which knows your real worth.
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Mindfulness helps you be with yourself without judging, which is key to self-acceptance. Along with positive psychology, this approach helps you notice and appreciate your strengths, so you can value what makes you unique.
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A trauma-informed approach understands that low self-esteem often comes from past experiences, not from something wrong with you. Together, we’ll create a safe space to work through old beliefs while also rebuilding your sense of safety and trust in yourself. This is an important key to lasting self-worth.
How Self-Esteem Therapy Helps You Reconnect With Yourself
When your confidence takes a hit, it's easy to lose track of who you are underneath all the roles, expectations, and accomplishments. Therapy for low self-esteem helps you find your way back to yourself and rebuild a sense of worth that actually feels like yours.
The Work Usually Involves:
Figuring out who you are beyond what you achieve – because you're not just a résumé
Learning to trust yourself instead of constantly seeking external praise or validation
Being kinder to your younger self and understanding why you developed the patterns you did
Giving yourself permission to rest without feeling like you have to earn it
Showing up as yourself, fully, confidently, no apologies
If perfectionism, imposter syndrome, or burnout are also eating away at your sense of worth, we can address those through therapy for perfectionism, imposter syndrome therapy, or burnout therapy as part of our work together.
In Short
Self-esteem therapy is not about becoming someone new, it’s about finally feeling comfortable as you are.
Ready to reconnect with who you are?
Self-Esteem FAQs
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Yes. Evening and limited weekend sessions are available and tend to fill quickly. Scheduling a consultation is the best way to check current availability.
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I provide secure, HIPAA-compliant online therapy for clients in Massachusetts, New York, Colorado, Vermont, and Florida.
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Yes. Research shows teletherapy is just as effective as in-person care, with added flexibility and privacy.
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Many clients notice shifts within 4 to 6 weeks, with deeper changes developing over 3 to 6 months depending on goals and session frequency.
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Absolutely. Many successful women appear confident while privately battling self-doubt or never feeling enough.
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That’s okay. During your consultation, we’ll clarify whether self-esteem, anxiety, perfectionism, or imposter thoughts are most relevant and decide on the best approach.
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The first step is booking a free 30-minute phone consultation.
Recent Wellcore Healing Articles for Reclaiming Self-Worth
Moving Beyond the "Not Enough" Narrative
If you’re a high-achieving woman, it can seem like self-esteem struggles never let up. Even when you reach your goals, your inner critic just moves the bar, so you're always somehow behind.
These articles look at how performance-based worth differs from real self-esteem. I share the same evidence-based methods I use in therapy, like ACT for handling critical thoughts, CBT to break the 'not enough' cycle, and tools such as the Enoughness Audit to help you reset your sense of self-worth.
If you find yourself comparing your life to others on social media or want to build confidence that isn’t tied to how much you get done, these posts can guide you toward feeling as capable as you truly are.
Self-Esteem Book Recommendations
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This influential work outlines six key practices for building and sustaining healthy self-esteem.
Author: Nathaniel Branden
🔗 Nathaniel Branden's Official Website-Author of "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem"
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This book, backed by research, focuses on how to embrace vulnerability while also letting go of the need for the impossible, perfectionism.
Author: Brené Brown
🔗 Brené Brown's Official Website- The Author of "The Gifts of Imperfection"
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Dr. Neff focuses on the concept of self-compassion as a way to improve overall well-being.
Author: Dr. Kristin Neff
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This workbook offers practical exercises, focusing on how to help readers build as well as maintain healthy self-esteem.
Author: Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D.
🔗 Glenn R. Schiraldi's -Psychology Today- Author of "The Self-Esteem Workbook"
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Fennell provides a cognitive-behavioral approach to understanding and combating low self-esteem.
Author: Melanie Fennell
🔗 Melanie Fennell- Google Books- Author of "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem"
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This guide goes over actionable strategies for enhancing/boosting self-confidence & self-doubt.
Author: Barbara Markway, Ph.D.
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Dr. Burns presents a ten-day program designed to alleviate feelings of inadequacy and build self-worth.
Author: David D. Burns, M.D.
🔗 David D. Burns' Official Website-Author of "Ten Days to Self-Esteem"
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Kaiser shares her journey as well as helpful strategies for cultivating self-love & acceptance.
Author: Shannon Kaiser
🔗 Shannon Kaiser Website- Author of “The Self-Love Experiment”
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An exploration of the role self-esteem plays in psychological health and personal achievement.
Author: Nathaniel Branden
🔗 Nathaniel Branden's Official Website- Author of "The Psychology of Self-Esteem"
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Brach focuses on self-acceptance by combining mindfulness and self-compassion practices.
Author: Tara Brach, Ph.D.
🔗 Tara Brach's Official Website- Author of "Radical Acceptance"
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The books recommended here are for informational and educational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, or any mental health concerns, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist or mental health professional for personalized support.
Ready to Get Started?
You've spent enough time questioning your worth. If you're ready to build the kind of confidence that comes from who you are, not what you achieve, let's talk.
[ + ] References and Research on Self-Esteem & Life Outcomes
[1] Orth, U., Robins, R. W., & Widaman, K. F. (2012). Life-span development of self-esteem and its effects on important life outcomes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(6), 1271–1288. View Source