Perfectionism in NYC: When Comparison Never Shuts Off
Perfectionism in NYC isn’t always about loving high standards. Rather, it can be about visibility and constant comparison. This post looks at how pressure builds and what can help. If you're ready to break the cycle, I offer specialized Perfectionism Therapy in NYC tailored for high-achieving professionals.
New York is full of people who look like they have it figured out. The career. The routine. The outfit. The social life. The confidence. Even when you know it’s curated, it still gets in your head.
You can be objectively doing well and still feel a low-grade sense of being behind. Like, there’s always someone working harder, earning more, living better, and just more successful.
That’s where perfectionism tends to grow. It’s not because you suddenly care more about doing the best job possible. More likely, comparison adds another layer of pressure on top of everyday stress. You start editing yourself to make your life seem better to others. You overthink what you said in meetings. You reread the email again...and again. You try to stay a step ahead of everyone by perfecting everything you do, and it’s exhausting.
Why Perfectionism Can Feel Worse in NYC
In Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens, comparison isn’t just a passing thought. It’s ingrained in the culture and everyday life. You’re one high performer who’s surrounded by millions of other high performers. Success is visible, and staying extra busy is reinforced and praised. People love to talk about accomplishments, current progress, and the next “big” thing. Social media only reinforces the constant comparison narrative.
Over time, your brain starts treating everyday life like a game you must win.
You leave a networking event and immediately replay how you came across to everyone.
You scroll for five minutes, and suddenly your life isn't as good or as successful.
You hit a milestone, and instead of feeling proud, you feel even more pressure to achieve the next big thing.
You get a compliment, and your brain goes, “Yeah, you probably say that to everyone.”
Perfectionism becomes an exhausting strategy that sets you up for failure since it’s impossible to achieve. But, you still can’t help but think, “If I do it perfectly, I can’t be judged” or “If I look put together, no one will notice I’m struggling.”
3 Ways to Start Pushing Back
If you’re a high achiever, you don’t “need” advice that sounds nice. You likely would benefit from tools that work in real life, when it’s Tuesday, and you are exhausted from work.
1) Catch yourself moving into comparison mode before it worsens.
Your brain can shift into “comparison mode” consciously or subconsciously without much warning. It can happen in person or when you are alone on your phone. For example, you might be taking a walk to clear your mind, leaving a high-pressure meeting, or catching up with an old college friend. You pick up your iPhone and start scrolling without thinking. When you see a reel about someone else’s promotion, engagement, new home, or pregnancy, your mood and mindset shift in an unhealthy way. The uplifting mindset from the walk, the confidence after closing a deal, or the nostalgia from time with a friend are replaced by dread and thoughts like “how am I this far behind?!”
Your perspective on your day, week, or even year can change in seconds based on a reel of someone else’s life. Instead of enjoying the present and feeling gratitude for what you have, you start thinking, “How am I this far behind?” or “What’s wrong with me?” Comparison hits fast, and your brain turns it into a project: “How do I perfect my life so I can be as successful as them or not fall further behind?”
Instead of hyperfixating on what you don’t have based on one small piece of someone else’s narrative, try to redirect your perspective by naming what is actually going on in real time. For example:
That was a comparison spiral, and I don’t have to get sucked in. I know I don’t have all of the information.
Just because my thoughts say I am behind doesn’t mean I am behind.
This feeling is information, not reality.
My brain is predicting failure based on someone else’s update. I can choose to focus on myself.
When you pause to identify and challenge comparison thoughts, you can start to change how you see yourself. Your mood can shift back to where it should be, instead of settling into emergency fix-it mode.
2) Decide what “good enough” means before you start
Perfectionism thrives when timelines, guidance, or expectations are vague. This is because you can easily raise your standards.
Before you begin a task, try to give yourself more direction and get specific:
What does “done” look like?
What level is appropriate for this?
What is the cost of making this perfect?
Then commit to the standard that fits the job, not the standard that fits other people’s journey.
This is the difference between having high standards and living under them.
3) Practice being imperfect, on purpose
Perfectionism grows when your nervous system learns: “I am only safe if I am flawless or everything goes perfectly.” So the way out isn’t affirmations. It’s small reps that teach your body something new.
This week, try to pick one low-stakes moment to use. For example:
Send the email after one clean proofread, not five.
Speak up in the meeting without overexplaining.
Let a task be solid, not exceptional.
Don’t “fix” your wording after you’ve already made your point.
The goal isn’t to stop caring. It’s to stop acting like every moment is an audition. Over time, you will realize the low-stakes activities didn’t cause harm. If anything, you got your time back.
What progress actually feels like
Progress isn’t walking around calm all day. Progress is noticing the urge to overcorrect and choosing not to give in to the urge.
It’s making a small mistake and not treating it like a personal emergency.
Where to go from here
If you’re reading this, thinking, this is me, you don’t have to keep pushing through on your own. NYC will always move fast. The goal isn’t to slow the city down. It’s to stop letting the pressure live in your body 24/7.
Ready for next steps?
Check out my specialized Perfectionism Therapy Services if this is your primary stressor.
If perfectionism is secondary to chronic stress, burnout, and feeling like you can’t shut your brain off in city life, you may also like: Anxiety & Burnout Therapy for NYC Professionals.
Schedule a free consultation to talk through what’s going on and what would help.
Related Reading
If you want to go deeper into how perfectionism fuels anxiety:
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The information, tools, and/or tips in this article are for educational purposes only. They’re not a diagnosis, a treatment plan, or medical advice, and they don’t establish a therapist–client relationship. Everyone’s history and nervous system are different. What helps one person may not fit another. If mental health is disrupting your work, sleep, or relationships, talk with a licensed clinician in your state.
If you are having a mental health crisis, please call 988 (U.S.), your local emergency number, or go to the nearest emergency room.
